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There’s nothing quite like a certain type of mother who’s about to host a party for extended family and friends. She is the CEO, lording over everyone to make sure not a single speck of dust is left on the counter. She is the CFO, creating itemized shopping lists with everything from balloons to bacon bits. She is the CMO, sending out animated e-invites months in advance. Everyone knows their place: Nod yes and smile, no matter what sacrifices she asks you to make. In my house, this particular gathering takes place on the Fourth of July — my Dad’s birthday — and her running monologue goes something like this:

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